今のところは、しばらくの間はアメリカに住んでいてもかまわないと思っているのでアメリカでの仕事を探しますが、それでいいとしても日本に帰りたいという気持ちは中々納められないのです。春休みでも・・・と思っていたら、やっぱりそれは卒業論文に夢中でないとならないし、そんなお金を持っているわけもないし。
ただ、この、遊びに行きたいという気持ちは初めてで、このこの前は「行きたい」と思ったらつまり「住みたい」ということだったのです。でけど遊びに行ったってどこで何をすればいいか全然分かりません。この前行ったら、毎日の生活をを送っていただけです。
- tumbl a few more passages from The Unbearable Lightness of Being
- give away beauty
- read half a book for class tomorrow
- read Japanese blogs about walking a 1,400km pilgrimage
- write a thesis topic
| me: | ...Because you grab at me and I've always let you pull me in but *I am moving on on purpose*, do you hear me? |
| baimypot: | no, because we are pictures and we lack the proper faculties, but it's cool that you feel so strongly :) |
| me: | ...Oh. That's right. I forgot. Um. So. I guess keep doing your thing? I mean you're great for what you are. You're just not for me. ...We're cool, right? |
| baimypot: | sure. |
| me: | Um. Great. :> |
| me: | Well, I'm off. Garlic, baking soda, baking powder, and dropping off my bike... |
| world: | Wait, wait, wait, Bailey. Are you really adding baking powder and baking soda to your list so you can make sugar cookies even though you made ice cream AND fudgecake mess only last night? |
| me: | Well, yes I am, world. That is mighty astute of you. |
| world: | But Bailey, did you not wake up at nine this morning only to ditch your plans for the day and watch Glee and talk to Daniela until finally showering and dressing at no earlier than three thirty? And your highest priority is garlic and cookies? |
| me: | All of these things are true, world. But you must also take into consideration the fact that I got an email from the mother of my Japanese tutee saying they would like to talk about my tutoring a second day a week, which is AFTER last night getting that email from my job two years ago asking if I want to come back, which means getting paid to do homework and write my thesis, you know? That's TWO JOBS in less than twenty-four hours. By doing NOTHING. |
| world: | That's true... |
| me: | AND, last night I left the oven on so I thought I burnt the house down while I went out to buy cream, so I ran upstairs in a panic and left my bike blocking a downstairs door, and they left me a note about it, so I am making them cookies to apologize! LEGIT. |
| world: | Well, I suppose that is pretty legit. |
| me: | Also I gotta get mochi to let my tutee try it. This is in the name of LEARNING. |
| world: | Hmm... |
| me: | Tomorrow's going to be more productive, I promise. I'm even going to make sure I get up early enough to work out AND go out to Wicker Park AND come back before three. |
| world: | It really needs to happen, you know. |
| me: | Well you tell the sky it needs to be sunny. I can only live my life in spite of the heavy greyness for so long, you know. |
I found it. The rest are on my flickr. :>
but then I couldn’t find the cord to my camera.
It’s a shame, because in a way the pictures are almost more fun than real fireworks. They stay leaping while real ones vanish just before you really see what they look like.
This is everything about Japan that clenched my stomach but I couldn’t find words for while I was there. The “cuteness” theory isn’t new; amae has been used to describe Japanese social relations for decades; and as much as all generalizations are false and Nihonjin-ron rubs me in immensely the wrong way, it seems fairly clear to me as an outsider with some familiarity with the culture that there’s something to it.
I want to go back to Japan. Being there while this happens is stressful but it’s not as bad, I now realize, as not being there.
- pictures of Camp Patmos (the Japanese language camp that is eating my summer with relish)
